The best thing about a collective blog is you can write about things you wouldn’t normally put on your own. This, is one of them. Now Before I start here’s a disclaimer, I have some awesome mummy friends, some I’ve even met through the school and I’m all about sista hood!! And supporting other mothers etc etc but there are some things I don’t like and I’m not afraid to share them…… here….. (far too terrified to share them on my own platform)
So here we go! 5 reasons why I rarely talk to other Mum’s in the playground
I’m scared that if I talk to you once, I’ll have to do it every day….. for the next five years : I mean I’m sure you’re nice and everything, but more often that not I wanna just pick my kids up and go home, Where it’s safe and warm. Any number of issues could arise in that first conversation and I don’t want to spend the rest of my school run days dealing with the consequences. You might be dull as dish water! Our kids might not get on, you might invite me round for coffee and I’m not ready to commit to that, I might get your name wrong or forget to ask it and thus have to spend the rest of my school run life cringing inside that I can never ask again…..
I can’t be arsed to make an effort with the way I look….. I like where I stand in the playground, if on-time (rarely) it’s at the back, I have bright hair so the teacher can spot me and to be honest them, and my kid, are the only people I want to notice me in the playground. I have acne, I wear leggings with holes in and odd socks, please don’t look and judge me, just let me gather up the lunch boxes and book bags, hide in my big maternity coat and leave unseen. Cheers.
You have kids too….. I might not like your kid, ok so tbh I like most children, but certain situations send my brood into a whirlwind of excitement. We have a carefully constructed routine….. it’s quite delicate though…. you might walk the same way as us and then I’m forced to rein my children in, they get all hyper, they spot a moment where boundaries can be tested……walk with us? Sorry, but nope! It upsets the traveling dynamic when you throw more children in the mix, I just want to get home without a tantrum, or shouting at my child to slow down, or speed up or hold my hand. If I talk to you and you suggest we continue, on the way home together, I may as well give up, I’ve lost all control….. yep not your fault, you might be able to juggle three kids, bags and a busy road, but I struggle, and I don’t like to deviate from the formula.
I’m silently judging you! Yes I know, I don’t like to admit it either but I do have a preconceived idea in my head of you. I’ve pretty much worked out who I think I’ll get on with and who I won’t… for example hate it that you push to the front to get your kid! I mean ffs Linda your little Jimmy will not leave the classroom any quicker because you’re hopping about by the door waving at him, just get back in your box and wait like the rest of us….. Plus I know you’re on the PTA and I can’t handle that commitment in my life right now. Avoiding eye contact and getting out of there with everyone’s limbs attached is my only goal.
I know you read my blog…. I’ve seen you flash up on my instagram stories and, while I know nothing about you, you enigmatic creature, I can’t help but think it’s likely you know everything about me…… and that makes me nervous. I was discussing my period on Twitter the other day, and oh dear god that means you know….. this isn’t unfounded…I’ve had the odd occasion where people ask me how something in my life is going, and I’m 99% sure I’ve not told them, the only conclusion, they know more about me than prob my husband, as he’s not on social media. And the shame is real!
So there we have it, I can totally appreciate that these are all my issue, not your fault, except the pushing to the front (seriously I role my eyes into your back for that) but, for the love of God, please never approach me in the playground. I’m happy, seriously, my phone is enough company, if I’m desperate…… and you can always add me on Facebook, (I’m far more dynastic online anyway)….. but that should be the the extent of it.
Of course this explanation is all pointless and no one ever does approach me….. I pretty much stand alone unless my husband is there…..and I suspect I also have resting bitch face……but yeh……hmmm I wonder why no one ever talks to me??
Emily Beatrice is a 30 something mum of four who blogs and vlogs about family life in rural Devon. She has a first class degree in Media and creative writing, a slight obsession with Buffy the vampire slater and kids fashion, and spends far too much time on Pinterest researching her latest ‘project’. Previous to being a SAHM she was a parenting support adviser and local site editor for netmums.
Favourite quote? ‘Secretly we’re all a little more absurd than we make ourselves out to be. J. K. Rowling