5 WHYZ,  Parenting

5 Reasons Why My Children Hate Me Today

We all know kids are fickle creatures, one moment they’re singing five currant buns at full volume, laughing away, and the next, they crumble, a pile of anger on the floor, arms flailing, legs kicking. Repeating those words and phrases you say under your breath and hope they don’t pick up…… and that’s just my tween…. don’t even get me started on the younger three!

Some days are worse than others, some days I’m pretty sure my children legitimately hate me. Why do I think that? Mainly because they tell me at full volume multiple times between cereal and their bedtime story.

It’s exhausting of course it’s all forgotten the next day and I’m pretty sure they don’t mean it (I hope) but for the benefit of those in doubt, here are 5 Reasons Why they hated me yesterday.

Reason One: I Didn’t Want The Baby To Choke

Fishing a craft bead out of my 12 month olds mouth is no mean feat, he has six teeth and every intention of using them! Once said bead was extracted he proceeded to tell me in great detail why he hated me. Of course, he can’t talk, he’s a baby after all, but the fifteen minute screaming fit was enough to reinforce that, while he might choke, I was the evil one for trying to prevent it.

Reason Two: I Asked My Tween To Tidy Away Her Craft Beads

It’s not hard to get my tween to hate me these days, my music taste, alone is greatly offensive to her. But yesterday, asking her to tidy away said beads from point one unleashed a torrent of abuse. First it was my fault for buying the beads, then it was her brothers fault for not knowing they weren’t for eating, then it was Susan’s uncles dogs fault for making the beads so small…… either way tidying them away was not nearly as fun as getting them out. So now she hates me, which makes a nice change….. oh wait no that’s pretty standard.

Reason Three: I Told My Three Year Old It Was Time For Bed

Despite going to bed roughly the same time every night for the vast majority of his life. My three year old was under the impression that bedtime wasn’t happening last night. Apparently it came as a massive shock. Putting his pj’s on half an hour before wasn’t a big enough clue of what was to come. How dare I suggest bedtime without first offering five cups of water, three toilet trips, ten stories and a partridge in a pear tree. It’s easy to see why he hates me when I make spur of the moment decisions without setting precedent for three years previously!

Reason Four: I Wouldn’t Let My Five Year Old Have A Glass Of Wine

Now I don’t make a habit of drinking in front of the children….. in fact I rarely buy wine, but yesterday?! Yesterday was a wine day….. (see point 1&2 for my reasons), I settled down with a small (re big giant) glass at approx 6pm, it’s like I knew what was to come, I was preparing for bedtime, willing my hateful muscles to relax….. but apparently five year olds can have wine, because it’s not an adult drink, and so and so face at school says they once tried it and so and so face never lies. I must be deliberately withholding said wine for no other reason other than to make my child hate me. What an evil person I am!

Reason Five:  I Don’t Have X-ray Vision

I have four children so here’s a collective reason why they all hate me. When a fall out happens and I ask each child for their side of the tale…. I’m expected to know exactly what came to pass, who hit who first, why…..and deal with it so everyone is happy and satisfied. The very idea that I would need them to explain rather than shout at me who’s fault it is is evidence of why I’m hated in my own household. Darn my lack of super powers.

So there we go, I feel I should add a disclaimer that says that it’s all a little tongue in cheek and of course they don’t really hate me, nor I them. But sometimes, when I’m sat in bed frazzled with a second glass of wine at 9pm having shouted more than I wanted to that day. I promise myself I’ll get my shit together tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll bribe them with food tomorrow so they love me again.

photo credit: RebeccaVC1 a fence’s pond via photopin (license)
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