When I was at primary school a Mum of one of my friends dressed up as a fortune teller at a school fair and read palms. I remember her telling me that I had a long worry line and I was obviously a big worrier. It resonated with me but I don’t know if by telling me this she put ideas into my head or she was just making an observation about my behaviour at that age!
5 Things That Make Me Anxious:
- Social situations
- What people think
- Unexplainable reasons
I have friends who can’t understand why I insist on being at airports or train stations well before the train or plane is due to leave. But it’s my way of managing the anxiety and coping with how it makes me feel. I’m not exactly sure what I’m anxious about, it’s a feeling rather than a thought most of the time. I guess maybe missing the train or plane comes into it, even when driving I obsessively check the traffic on my phone before we leave, though there is little point as by doing this I can’t control how bad the traffic is going to be.
I have been in social situations before and felt an overwhelming need to leave and be at home. There’s not always a particular reason, just that the noise or the vibe makes me on edge and until I am back in the safety of my house I can’t settle. There are times I feel so uncomfortable and out of place that I just want to run. I was at a big event last year where I’d volunteered to help out as a marshal. I felt so out of place and on edge I ditched my high vis early and made my escape, asking myself why the hell did I put myself in that situation in the first place.
Ironically writing things like this makes me anxious and overthink massively. As I type these words I’m thinking “why are you doing this? No one wants to read this rubbish, when you submit it they’ll just laugh and say how basic your writing is”. I started my own blog last year and got lots of positive comments but stopped as the process of doing it was making me anxious!
I wrote a whole blog about anxiety at work last year and don’t have enough words here to repeat it but you can see more here if you’re interested.
Finally there are the days when I can just be chilling out at home and anxiety hits me for no explainable reason. I feel tight chested, light headed and my breathing is affected. I’ve found the best thing is to just recognise it and let it run its course.
For those others who feel the same as me, I hope reading this will make you know it’s not just you!
A 40 something former northerner living in NE London with a husband and 2 children. I work in a secondary school as an HR Manager and am passionate about making workplaces positive and happy places to be and encouraging everyone to have a better work life balance. No one ever said on their deathbed “I really wish I had spent more time at work”. I started a blog last year but life and work have given me little time to write so I hope that I can start again by contributing to 5WHYZ regularly. I’m a beauty products and stationery addict, a foodie and an introvert who loves my own company. Just trying to do my best in life and be kind.